What if we're gods?

          I used to have a problem with stress eating.  My reaction to being stressed or bored was to eat until I felt sick.  I no longer have this problem.

          The problem is that I didn't do anything to fix it.  I moved into a new apartment last week, and bought a bunch of groceries.  I bought a lot of healthy food, which is something I would have done in the past since I don't like wasting money on things that aren't good for me.  I only buy unhealthy food in [lots of] small doses.  My expectation was that in two or three days I would get stressed out and go buy a pizza or something unhealthy.  Then I would give up on eating healthy altogether and just live off of pizza.  This is how it always played out in the past.  But not this time.

           I sit here now, very hungry and with nothing to stop me from at least getting a Subway sandwich.  Except I don't care to.  It's not as if I am trying to avoid eating fast food or anything unhealthy.  I simply have no desire to.  When I feel like it I'll get up and eat a grapefruit, or maybe some boiled eggs and a pear.  The only reason that I'm even aware that I was ever a dysfunctional eater is that I remember how I used to react in situations like this.

          There wasn't a solid cut-off point between the way I used to eat and now.  It wasn't an "aha" moment.  I didn't even know that I'd stopped being screwed up until I noticed that I wasn't going to get twelve inches of pepperoni and cheese foam.  I can't be excited or grateful, because I didn't feel anything change.  I may as well have always been like this, for how different I feel.

          That makes me wonder;  what if that's the secret to life?  What if one day I wake up and find that I have become everything I ever dreamt of becoming, except I don't notice until I actually go out and do it?  No incident or indication, just a new me that is capable of anything.  No exciting changes, no trumpets, no apotheosis, nothing at all.  I just walk out my door and forge a lightning bolt, and wonder why I remember ever being unable to do so.  Are we allowed to become gods without the ability to appreciate it?  Because I think the only way to become a god is to always have been one.